Salubriousness, Stubbornness, or Just Plain Stupid?

So I'm approaching the half-way mark on my post-holiday diet/colon cleansing endeavor. And when I say half way mark, I really mean just the half-way mark of the seven day fast which has proven to be the more trying stage of the experience. During the first ten day segment last week, I could at least eat fruits and vegetables. Man I miss boccoli.

I've decided I probably wont do this again. Though I see the value of cleaning out your colon as presented by the lovely photographers and marketers of the so-called "Seven-Day Miracle Diet," I really don't like what this whole experience has made of me. I've become obsessive about food. I think constantly about the things that I don't get to eat on a daily basis, and the thought of one more gulp of juice (the one approved item during the past few days) makes my stomach churn. Along with the nauseating thought of drinking one more sip of of Odwalla "Super-Food" is the actual nausea induced by all of the pills. I actually threw up today a couple of times during church. It was a blend of the pills, the rocking chair in the nursery, and the baby's head that smelled far too much like pancakes drenched in syrup that made me run off to the restroom so quickly. Pancakes have never made me throw up before so I'm mostly placing blame on the pills laden with Bentonite Clay. (Really? We're suppose to be ingesting the very thing that causes cracks in the cement of my parents basement?) I did cheat a bit this afternoon and had a wheat bagel. Amazingly, I felt almost instantly better. Good enough that I actually think I'm going to make it through the last few days of this beast unless I toss my cookies...er....um....apple juice again tomorrow morning.

Aside from some of the physically discomforting ailments of this diet which I can handle, there are some things going on around in my head right now which I cant handle. They make me think this wasn't the best of ideas and that maybe I shouldn't be such a lemming all of the time. First of all, like I said earlier, all I think about is food. What I'm going to eat when I'm done (Subway sandwich baby!), what I'm missing out eating now (a fabulous dinner at the Governor's inauguration ball Friday night), and what my body is going to look like when I do start eating again (the weight loss is undeniably a benifit). Secondly, I don't like how angry with myself I became when I starting losing it during church and realizing that I might actually have to ingest something of substance in the day to refrain sticking my head in a toilet again. I consider myself a pretty tough girl and it was so irritating that my body decided to become the boss of me this morning. Then I was irritated because I was irritated. It's completely reasonable to listen to what my body is telling me afterall. I just didn't like that my body wasn't following through with my head's plan to fast for the third day in a row. Then I cried.

Lastly, I don't like how all of those thoughts and experiences are distracting me from the good things in life. Like cheeseburgers and the fact that I really didn't get a whole lot out of today's amazing sermon about finances. I'm also not allowed to exercise for another week. How will I ever get into shape for ultimate season at this rate? I don't really know that all of the mental discomfort, and of course hurling in the toilet in the church bathroom, is really worth losing a few pounds and having the right to claim a clean colon. I'll update when this whole debacle is finished and let you know if I still feel the same.