The High Bar (a love letter of sorts)

At the annual X-mas family gathering this year, my aunt asked me if I had dated any men. An odd question no doubt, as I most certainly am only attracted to members of the opposite gender, but even more strange was that I actually knew exactly what she meant. “Yes, I’ve dated one man” was my reply. “All others in my past are just….” Well you get the point.

Every time I’ve opened my email in the last two months I’ve contemplated sending him a message. I say “contemplated” because I have yet to pull the trigger, but know that its inevitable that I eventually do so. I got his wedding invite a couple of months ago and after a conversation (or two, or ten) with my dearest friend who knows him well and understands the implications of the situation, we finally decided how best to respond.

Back when he and I were dating we agreed to always be good to one another, no matter what happened down the road. Respectful, honoring, honest, prayerful, uplifting. Those were all characteristics of which we hoped to live by and as close friends and at times best friends for nearly three years after that actual “relationship” ended, surprisingly we did exactly that. And still do. Aside from the memories and endless stories of shared adventures, is the undeniable fact that knowing him has absolutely changed my life. Praying with him frequently changed prayer in my life. Truly having and feeling his love during part of my life helped me grow closer my True Love. Often I find myself reflecting back on who he is and hoping to live with the kind of grace, heart, perspective that he continually focuses on. Truly he is a man set apart from many boys.

Anyways, I’m about to write the email I’ve been dreading for so long. I’ve dreaded it because my friend and I decided that despite his or my honorable and best intentions, there’s just no way that I can continue the friendship that he and I have shared in the past. He lives in a different state and to see each other or talk frequently on the phone (which is what true friendships need) would require special effort. Effort that just seems, in light of his upcoming marriage, inappropriate. That sucks. Big time.

The bit of encouragement I have through this, is most certainly that God placed this man in my life with great purpose. He used this man to bring me closer to Him, to give me some of the best stories and adventures of my life thus far, and to set a high bar and a deep seeded hope and prayer for the next man who will enter my life and absolutely sweep me off my feet. For that reason alone, I can look upward and say “thank you”. I can smile and approach tomorrow with hope and joyous anticipation of the good things that are to come…..