My Little Carbon Monoxide Detector

This is the first blog in a series (of three) about how different life is living with your parents after six years away. Things just aren't the same as I remember from back in the day.

My parents are very different people now. Or maybe I just am noticing dimensions to their personalities that I was oblivious to in high school. I think what I notice most in my mom is how ready she is to be a grandma. (Warning: if you're of the male persuasion and reading this, you might want to turn back right now. This blog is about to get a little scary). I brought Newton, my wonderful, most perfect guinea pig home and she adores him. He knows that when I'm around he eats on my schedule so he really doesn't start squealing for his dinner until 5. But for her, anytime she walks through the room, goes upstairs, comes downstairs, gets anything from the fridge, goes to car, speaks, breathes, sleeps, etc. his needy squeals permeate the entire house. She's such a sucker and gives him a carrot everytime he asks. His Pavlovian instinct knows this and he works the system like a pro. I think that this little routine that I watch the two of them go through is just a glimpse of what will come when I have kids of my own. They'll be spoiled for sure.

I recently started working at the nursery at church on Sunday mornings. Though I've never really considered myself much of a "kid" person, now, I really cant think of a better way to start of my days. I was never one of those girls who walked around eyeing and oogling over children at the grocery store and babysitting to me was always just for the money. Yesterday however, I was watching one of the other nursery workers interact with her own child and I suddenly got incredibly jealous. Call it my biological clock ticking away or whatever, but I really wanted to have that bond that she and her daughter had and I wanted to smile the way she was smiling when her baby pushed the ball around the room. There is probably nothing like that feeling in the world. Newton warms my heart and makes me smile all the time when his personality surfaces, but it's probably not the same as it will be with a child.

Recently my mom mentioned that having Newton as my own seems to be, in part, fulfilling a motherly void. I think she's correct to the degree that part of my purpose here on life is to be depended on. For life, love, and for well-being. He wouldn't be alive if it wasn't for me. In the same way Newton is currently filling part of a void in my parents too. Playing the role of a "grand guinea pig" to be spoiled with many carrots. Though they would never say it, they're obviously ready for that stage in life. I can tell. But then again my dad just said that he thinks it's good to have a guinea pig around the house because if there's a carbon monoxide leak, Newton will die first and the rest of us will know to get out of the house. And one of the babies in the nursery got a bump on the head during my watch so maybe I'm not that ready to be a mother either.